3 things that have surprised me about dating in my 40s

Jessica Lucia
4 min readJan 22, 2023
Image from Pexels

Ten years ago, dating didn’t seem like a daunting task. I had never been married and didn’t have children yet. I didn’t put pressure on myself to settle down, and I had the freedom and flexibility to meet people in a variety of places. When I reentered the dating world in my early 40s, I didn’t know much about the new dating landscape.

Since navigating a dating world with new terrain, here’s what’s been most surprising to me…

1. The number of people on the dating scene who aren’t single.

Maybe I didn’t notice years ago, or maybe it’s more socially acceptable now, but I was surprised to see so many polyamorous people on the apps. It’s common to see couples seeking others to join them or men whose partners already have another partner so they’re looking for one themselves. I quickly learned the acronyms ENM (ethical non-monogamous) and MBA (married but available).

I’ve also come across men who write that they’re married in their profile and don’t post pictures because they’re looking to have a covert affair. One profile read: Hello, married and unhappy. Looking for a woman in the same situation for a little fun. New to the dating scene. I will provide pics upon request.

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Jessica Lucia
Jessica Lucia

Written by Jessica Lucia

Educator. Mother. Runner. Co-editor of Tell Your Story. I love the New York Mets, bridges terrify me, and I hate cottage cheese.

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