Member-only story
Lonely in Love
A Romantic Relationship Couldn’t Fulfill Me
When I became single at 30, after a 7-year relationship that didn’t result in marriage or even an engagement, those around me reacted mostly with pity. They would ask when I’d be ready to date again, reassure me I’d find someone, or try to set me up with their single brother or friend or son.
For a while, I pitied myself as well. I had been hurt so badly, I couldn’t imagine trusting someone again. But slowly, as I built a life outside of the relationship I had come to rely on, I became stronger, more independent, and happier. I made new friends, started my career, and discovered new hobbies.
I had never felt better about myself.
By 32, I had fully immersed myself in my new life. Every Monday, I played trivia at my favorite bar with the same group of people. One night, I sat in a booth across from one of my male friends as we waited for the rest of our team to arrive. He was updating me about a woman he had been dating on and off for months. He knew they were a terrible match, but he also wanted to settle down.
“I’m not worried about settling down,” I told him. “I love being single.”
He looked at me with a half-smile and shrugged. “Yeah, you love it now, but you don’t want to be single and lonely when you’re 40.”
